Adapting to Other Behavorial Styles

If you have every heard someone say – “you can’t change another person you can only change yourself”, they were right!  We can try to change someone, but it won’t work.  Why?  Because in most cases we are trying to change someone to be more like ourselves.  Deep down inside we believe that they way we address a problem is the right way, the way we deal with other people is the right way, the way we communicate our likes, dislikes, needs and wants is the correct way.  But…. guess what?  There are other ways and they are right as well.

I use DISC as one of the assessments  in my coaching practice.  DISC is a behavioral assessment tool that provides people with a better understanding of themselves as well as others. DISC is based on the work of Wm. Marston and examines the behaviors of individuals in their environment within various situations.   DISC uses four quadrant model and has four dominant styles, D, I, S and C.   After answering a series of questions, this assessment will provide you with an indicator of where you are within the DISC quadrant. At this point I will add that we are all a blend of each style, but we have a dominant style that we revert back to because it is the most comfortable for us.

How does this help the individual?  It helps in many ways.  One being that you are given characteristics of your style, how others perceive your style and what the good, bad and ugly of your style could mean for you.  As you are de-briefed on your style you are introduced to the other three styles.  This is where the “aha’s” generally come into play.  You are presented with the fact that not everyone is like you and that when you try to change someone to be like you it doesn’t work.  That leads us back to the fact that you are the only one that can change, if you so desire.

Knowing yourself better combined with knowing about the other styles can aid you in better communication methods.  You can learn to adapt your behavioral style to better interact with the other styles.  Communication is key to harmony and working with people in both our personal and professional lives.  If we take it upon ourselves to know the other person better we can determine what their likes and  dislike are.  What pushes their buttons and what makes them feel good about themselves.  When you know these things you can then adapt your style to accommodate some of these attributes so that you reduce stress, conflict and begin to develop a relationship based on mutual respect for each others uniqueness.

You may be saying that it is you doing all the work.  This may be true if the other person does not know about the various styles, but think of the power in your hands!  You can adapt and change a strained relationship into a productive relationship.  You can demonstrate the flexible nature that you have learned.

There is so much more to go into with regards to using assessments to be a change catalyst that this only touches on the tip.  There are also other assessments that can be used one being Berkman.  I just happen to like the results and depth of DISC.   Learning about yourself is a life long process and the more we know about ourselves the better we are prepared for the journey.

If you want to know more about DISC or take an assessment yourself, you can contact me for more details.

DISC Diamond – Extended DISC

Is Your Behavior Working for You or Against You?

Are you an easy going person that gets along with everyone? Or are you the type that says what they think regardless of who they may hurt – The bull in the china shop? Are people interested when interacting with you or are they trying to get away?

We all have our own basic behavioral styles.  Some will stretch to adapt to someone that they have to work with or interact with so that the encounter goes smoothly.  Others appear to just not care.

I would ask that you take a “balcony” approach to viewing yourself.  In other words, be an observer of your own behavioral.  When you are engaged you can’t see what is happening around you.  To use an example, think of being at a party.  You are invited to a big party; everyone is conversing and enjoying themselves.  Because you are not shy, you enter and immediately go to a group of people to settle in for some fun.  You have now engaged and totally into your own world of fun.  Now let’s take a “balcony” approach to the party.  You arrive and move slower into your role.  You start by observing first and taking a read on what is happening.  From the balcony looking down on the party goers you might see the following:  The host/hostess just burned the main course, some people must not have received the invitation with the dress attire because they are in casual at a formal dinner, the main speaker just got a disturbing phone call that has made them quite upset, some people are in large groups, others are in smaller ones, some people are sitting next to the door and others flock to the middle of the room.

From your balcony you have a much more informed view of the dynamics and thus can be more adaptable.  Try using the “balcony” approach at work.   When you enter a meeting or arrive at work, what is the atmosphere like?  Are you helping to creating a constructive and productive environment or are you adding to the uncertainty by your own behavior?  Are you adaptable or do you expect everyone to adapt to your style and mode?  Depending on your title, people could be responding to you based on that title and not on who you really are.  No one is going to tell you you’re a jerk if it means they could be fired!  However, if you are a jerk wouldn’t you like someone to tell you????